I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
