My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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