How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Green mimosas i think yes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
