did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize