and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
