Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
