So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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