I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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