if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize