I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
