we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
