How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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