Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
