it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
