If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
