And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
