bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
