he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
