i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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