I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
