You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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