the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
