is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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