This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
