I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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