pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
