If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
