dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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