you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
