Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
