I'm really into asian looking animals
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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