Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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