sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
