you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
