I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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