is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
