NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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