That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think my moral compass just broke
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
