if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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