as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
