I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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