The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Panties = found
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
