I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
