remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize