I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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