btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
