that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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