That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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