I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
