seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
