You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
