got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
