Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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