Your face is a jimmy john
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
