So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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