you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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