WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
