I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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