He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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