I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize