I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize