Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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